Friday, October 3, 2008
Fuckhoo News: Getting Prepared - 5 Things to Do Before Getting Pregnant
Here at Fuckhoo News, our researchers have come up with 5 things you and your partner can do to get you prepared for pregnancy.
1. Take off your clothes. Not that you necessarily need to do that to get pregnant, but you at least need to have an exit and entry hole for the penis. Taking off all your clothes is a good way to ensure the penis reaches the vagina with few snags along the way.
2. Lube up your vag. Buy whatever you need to to get your vag ready for a long night of fucking. Let's not kid ourselves, your pussy may be up against more than a week's worth of repeated fucks to fertilize that egg, and that tends to make your pussy dry. So, watch some TV, get some good information from the commercials they have on TV for lube, and go and invest in some good lube to last you for a good month (or a year if you don't get pregnant easily).
3. Guys, get some good porn. We know you love your wives and you are attracted to the mother of your future baby, but come on, this is some serious fucking we're talking about. You have to be He-Man during this critical period and you can't do that without a lot of tits and ass and vicarious cock to look at. This is IT - this is the BIG BANG of sex, and you gotta be prepared with dynamite pornography if you wanna create that baby.
4. Lose the condom. In case you were born yesterday, don't use condoms if you wanna have a baby. You may be He-Man and your cock may be a power sword but your sperm have enough to worry about in that burning vagina than be subject to a great wall of latex. Leave the condoms in the drawer and then next week transfer them to the glove compartment for all the hookers you'll be doing while your wife is a living Bundt cake for the next 9 months.
5. Ladies, stop fucking around. Girls - if you wanna have a baby with your man and not with the neighbour, you'd better smarten up and stop being a slut. Fuckhoo recommends not fucking anybody but your husband while you are trying to bear his child. Unless of course your neighbor has better genes than your husband. Then you might wanna keep fucking him and hope that the baby has blue eyes and not brown ones like Jeff the neighbor who decends from Africa where all genes are in a perfect state of being.