Sunday, September 28, 2008

Fuckhoo News: 8 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

1. Call your husband every half hour to make sure he’s not with a woman.
2. Only wear sweatsuits, blouses, and the most unsexual clothing you can find so that your husband knows you’ve only got eyes for him. If you can, try to get chubby so that other gentlemen don’t hit on you and threaten your marriage. (*Don’t get too fat. Then your hubby won’t even want to touch you)
3. Join a book club. If you’re reading a good book, your mind will be off cock and away from affair territory. Plus you can talk to your husband about the characters and evoke conversation.
4. Have a date-night once a week. Go out for dinner and a movie, and get one of your leggy 15 year old babysitters to watch the kids. Let your husband choose the babysitter. And the movie.
5. Fake orgasm with your husband as much as you can. If he feels he’s satisfying you, it’s less likely he’ll feel the need to satisfy another human being.
6. Give birth to a baby. It bonds you forever and often saves marriages when nothing else works.
7. On birthdays or special occasions, give your husband some vouchers for a hooker or the massage parlor down the street. Prostitute sex is not an affair. if you’re uncomfortable giving him this, then just turn a blind eye. He’ll think you’re really cool if you do it though. Again, prostitute sex is not an affair.
8. Divorce your husband. Not being married is the best way to affair-proof your marriage.

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